Mommin’ Ain’t Easy

As most of you know, my son spent a few weeks in the NICU after he was born. Each day I would pump and take him new bottles of breast milk, I’d sit in the chair in his room and give him endless cuddles until I was too tired to stay awake myself, I changed his little tiny diapers, I worked on his feeds with him, and would spend countless hours in that NICU just to spend any minute I could with my sweet little babe. (Good thing it was a 24 hour NICU). Then once we got to take him home, it was like sleep didn’t exist anymore, neither did showers most days or even going to the bathroom by yourself or remembering to eat. All because you’re focused on your new little addition. You will skip an opportunity for a few hours of sleep just so you can stare at your baby sleeping just to make sure they’re still breathing. The crazy thing is, is that you can spend every waking second looking at something so beautiful and still can’t grasp how amazing it is that your body created, grew and carried such a beautiful thing… a little human. And trust me, you will never be able to grasp the concept of how you can love another human being so dang much. You honestly will think the amount of love you feel for that little soul you created is literally impossible because you had no idea you could even love that much. As soon as you hear that baby’s first cry when they enter this world, trust me, it’s a whole different type of love… the best, strongest and most pure love you’ll ever feel. You love another human so much that you will walk around all day with their throw up in your hair. I’ll be honest with you though… having a baby isn’t easy. The endless nights of no sleep, feeds every few hours, the diapers, the spit ups, the anxiety and the tears. It’s these things that you already know are going to come with having a newborn. But I’m talking about the things no one tells you about… the “mom things” - like the self-consciousness you now feel as you look at your “new” post-partum body, the random thoughts of self-doubt, the depression, the random crying, the hormonal changes, the mood swings, the constant anxiety and fear of always worrying that something bad is going to happen to your baby and then thinking of the worst possible outcome, the craziness and anxiety you feel of being a new mother. I’m sure your OB was great, as was mine, but what no OB tells you about beforehand is about post-partum depression. They just make you wait until your 6-week check-up to fill out a questionnaire on how you’ve been feeling and then send you on your way in hopes it’ll just get better with time… it does… but it also takes A LOT of time. It takes of lot of rebuilding and reassurance. It takes a lot of you telling yourself that you ARE good enough, you ARE a damn good mama, you ARE beautiful in your “new” body that carried, grew, and created another human life, you ARE amazing, and you ARE doing a freaking great job mama! And you have to actually believe it. It takes love and support, nights sitting up crying, times when you look at yourself in the mirror and see the bags under your eyes only to realize you haven’t slept in 24 hours because your child has decided they don’t like sleep anymore and being a mother is a job that never stops… but then you realize that the bags under your eyes are actually there because you decided to stay up all day and all night just to take care of your little human before even thinking about yourself once. As mothers we share our bodies with our children. We go through labor and childbirth then we go home and continue to function off of zero to little sleep, doing late night feedings, diaper changes when we’re half asleep and so much more. Then we do it all over again.

Being a mother is so hard yet so rewarding, and you don’t even realize it until there comes a calm moment within all of the chaos and you catch your child looking up at you with those sweet eyes and in that moment, you realize you are their home and they are yours. You know they’re safe and warm in your arms… and then you realize that no matter what happens, whatever mistakes you’ve made or whatever the future holds, you know that, that child is the one thing that you did right. And that is why… all the tears, sleepless nights, depression, anxiety, self-doubt, your “new” body and the bags under your eyes on the worn out face that’s looking back at you in the mirror at 2 am… are all worth it. They’re all proof that you are one damn good mama and that you ARE enough.

Oh, and that body that carried and grew another little human being IS beautiful beyond measure and you should be so damn proud of it. YOU are beautiful mama!

Often times moms go unnoticed and don’t get the credit they deserve.

Mommin’ aint always easy, but it sure is worth it.

LOVE to ALL the mamas out there, xoxo